Monday, February 2

Never Alone

It's kind of interesting how this months Crash topic is on depression. It's a topic that has been coming up so much lately: spirits of darkness, loneliness, fear, ugliness, etc. And I really see God's timing in the whole thing. Personally, I wanted this topic to be done later in the year so we would have more time to prepare and make it awesome, but it's funny when God does things in His timing, because He tells me not to worry about all of the details that I feel like I won't have time for, that He will pull them all together. And He is definitely doing that in His own supernatural way.

This past weekend and even this past week everything was different. It didn't have any significantly bad parts to it, but I have almost felt attacked by lies from all around, lies that I already thought I had overcome and didn't have to deal with or listen to: Friendships aren't the same and it's my fault, I'm not good enough, not fun enough, not enough period. Everyone is growing in their relationship with the Lord while they have fun and pursue relationships, but I have to drop everything in order to make the least bit of progress in knowing the Lord. It's not okay to miss out on events because people won't like you as much, they will never want to get to know you, they will like everyone else more than you.

Lies, lies, lies.
And I want to cry.
And I want to be strong.
And I want to be okay with things being His way.

Psalm 59:16
But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble.

On maybe a more upbeat note, a long awaited prayer has been answered. I've been praying for a chance to go back to RIHOP and be able to play guitar during a set. An opportunity arose and I am going for it. Wednesdays at 4. Praise the LORD!

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

Everything inside me is hurting right now. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. My flesh is crying out. Dieeeeinggg to selffff, im melting, haha. Blegh. I can't write anymore.

Lord, bless me and keep me.


warrior child said...

Just so you know, I didn't read this until just now, so my comment on our friendship earlier this evening was out of me being honest, and possibly may have been the enemy lying to me too.. wells, we just need to talk some... =) there's a lot in this blog that I feel like God has been speaking to me about, not just from this, but throughout these past couple weeks, and through other people. Mmmmmm Jesus, You're so faithful =)

I love you my Jonathan. <333333

Alicapedia said...

Man oh man. The enemy has fed me these same lies that you are hearing basically this whole year. Always am I hearing I'm never enough and that I'll never be enough and I'm never going to add up. He also attacks me constantly that I will be alone and never have the friendships I want but we just have to stand up and say no in His name because the enemy is wrong and always will be. He is attacking you because he knows you're strong and that scares him a lot.

Also, I get what yo dishing with making relationships with people, I am weird and run out of things to say so I feel that I'll never be able to get to know you guys as awesomely as you guys know each other. But, I really do want to be friends with you more and stronger. That's an awkwardly written sentence haha.

I <3 you and I'm praying for you!!