Friday, December 19

Home is in Richmond

How's it going?

I'm in Richmond. And I like it here. I don't ever want to leave again.

Hey Richmond, sorry for betraying you, and thinking home is where my family is. Because, well, I'm not welcome there. Thank you for being welcoming. For allowing me to be me. For understanding me. For comforting me.

Hey God, why are you so far when I drive only an hour away?

So. Yeah. I went home Tuesday night. It was good. I got to see my mom and my dad. And then Wednesday I got to see my brother a bit. And well, then Wednesday night I made the mistake of saying to my mom and dad "Ahh, what should I do with my life?". Back story being that I met with my advisor and she let me know that my major is not ideal for any career or any grad school applications. And well, when I said that I wasn't really expecting to be nagged about it for the next 24 hours by my dad. I was really only expecting an answer like, "Hey, don't worry about it, you'll figure things out."

So all Wednesday evening/night and all Thursday my dad proceeded to give me options. "How about bioinformatics?" "No, that's boring." "How about nutrition, people aren't eating right these days." "I don't even eat right, how could I council someone on that?" And the first 10 times I listened and considered, but then I got annoyed and told my dad that I know my options and I know what I have to do, I just have to pray about it and do it. But, my dad is not human, and he doesn't understand the word "stop". So he kept giving me websites to look at, and options, and I just kept telling him to stop.

Well, my brother and I went to Sonic for Happy Hour to get half priced drinks and we got to talk and vent a little, and I told him how dad's been bugging me with all of the options. So apparently my brother and dad got in a hissy and my brother mentioned how my dad is bugging me. So now I'm dragged into the hissy.

I was in my room online and I hear a knock at the door. I'm in a good mood so I say, "Whatchu wan?" And my dad opens the door and starts raising his voice saying I'm unappreciative so I can do everything on my own. And then he slams the door. And then I hear him yelling at me and my brother down the hall about how we are ignorant and irresponsible and unappreciative. He says things like now that we are 18 we don't need to be supported by our parents anymore and him and my mom are going to just move into a 1 bedroom apartment and leave my brother and I on our own.

Well, me being completely taken aback by all of this, I pack my stuff and leave. I know where I am welcome, and I know the environments I like to be in. And frankly, this happens all the time when I go home. My dad is completely negative, and I almost want to say he has demonic spirits over him. He was cussing and stuff and telling my brother and I that this will be our last Christmas.

I guess I just wish my dad was more like Jesus. I know no one is completely like Jesus, but Father's and husbands are the spiritual thermometers of the household. They set the tone, and they are to be examples. And for my dad to act the way He does and say the things He does, I thank God SO MUCH that God is not like my dad. God is the best Father ever. He would never make me feel unwelcome in His house, He would never make me feel like He regrets creating me, He would never leave me in the dust without any help. I just need to pray for my dad.

Sorry for the long venting. That's what blogging is about sometimes. But, yeah, the second I got back to Richmond I felt 100 times better. I listened to the prayer room and started drawing. I relaxed in my Father's presence.

Wish I could spend more time with Christopher.


Sykes Kid said...

i miss brothers.
i miss being a kid with him.

jduer002 said...

I feel like these breaks are just craziness but I guess it a way of saying that God is still working in our lives may we be in rva, vb, glouchester, greensboro, anywhere. I hope your break reaches a turn of restoration and renewal of things.

Thank God for blogs, I'm catching up on your life even in the absence of each other in our lives. haha