Saturday, February 7
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
So last night I spent an hour reading through my middle school and high school journals. I was an ugly, disgusting, nasty person! Blegh. I still am, but geeeeeeez. In school people would think I was a good, quiet, sweet person, but little did they know that I would go home and trash talk everyone and everything in my journal. I would write a sentence about God every now and then: "I wish my relationship with God was better," and then two sentences later I would say something really ugly and hateful.
I was talking to my mom about this today. I'd like to tell myself that I am not that person anymore, and for the most part I'm not. But, it's funny because when I was that age I felt VERY strongly about people being fake. I believe that I didn't make a lot of friends in middle school and high school because there was a part of me that did not want to compromise to the standards of others and what they stood for [whatever that was]. In a lot of ways that is still me, except the intentions are switching to more of a Kingdom view than a prideful view, although I've been realizing a lot these past couple of weeks that I have so much pride in my heart and God is really cleaning it out. I feel bent so low right now. But, I also know that I stand tall with Him by my side.
Also, in my old journal I wrote down a couple of my dreams [before I knew dreams were of any significance to life]. In one I was being chased by a snake. In another my eye was split in half. Obviously I was under attack. Middle/High school is so awkward and horrible! Bleeeeh.
Thank you LORD for your redeeming grace. Thank you for your forgiveness! Thank you that I have been made clean and holy through the blood of Jesus!